Understanding grief, and how to manage difficult times
Grief is a universal experience, yet it can look and feel different for everyone.
While “normal” grief involves a gradual adjustment to life after loss, complicated grief can occur when a person feels “stuck” in intense emotional pain that persists or disrupts daily life. Both are understandable responses to loss, but complicated grief may require additional support from a psychologist or counsellor to help the person process what has happened and begin to re-engage with life.
Two well-recognised frameworks can help make sense of the grieving process.
Worden’s Four Tasks of Mourning outline the journey of:
Accepting the reality of the loss
Processing the pain of grief
Adjusting to a world without the person who has died
Finding an enduring connection while continuing to live.\
Similarly, the Dual Process Model of Grief suggests that healthy grieving involves moving between loss-oriented experiences (such as remembering, yearning, or expressing emotion) and restoration-oriented experiences (such as rebuilding routines, reconnecting with others, or focusing on daily life). This natural oscillation between confronting and taking breaks from grief helps the healing process unfold at a manageable pace.
Anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays can often reactivate feelings of sadness or longing. Planning ahead can be helpful. Consider how you’d like to spend the day, whether to honour the memory of your loved one in a meaningful way, or to take quiet time for yourself. It’s also important to lean on supportive connections, prioritise rest, and allow emotions to come and go without judgment. Grieving takes time and compassion. There is no recognised time frame for how long it takes to recover from a loss. It can help to remember that grief is the other side of love - if you didn’t experience that love, you would not be experiencing the significant pain of loss.
Special occasions often bring memories, rituals, and emotional reminders of the person or pet you’ve lost. These moments can highlight the absence of someone important and stir up powerful feelings of sadness, longing, or even guilt. You might find that certain dates or traditions carry a deeper emotional weight, not because you are “going backwards,” but because love and loss remain connected.
Identifying Challenging Dates
It can help to make a note of the days that might be more emotionally difficult, such as:
The anniversary of the loss
The person’s or pet’s birthday
Shared or family occasions and holidays (e.g., Christmas, New Year, Mother’s or Father’s Day)
Special milestones such as weddings, graduations, or family events
Marking these dates ahead of time allows you to plan for extra support, meaningful rituals, or quiet reflection when needed.
Ways to Look After Yourself
Plan ahead: Decide how you’d like to spend the day - whether to keep traditions, create new ones, or take time alone.
Connect with others: Reach out to family, friends, or a therapist who can listen and support you.
Acknowledge your emotions: It’s okay to feel sad, angry, relieved, or even moments of joy.
Balance remembering and living: Engage in restorative activities such as walking, creative expression, or time in nature.
Seek professional support: If feelings become overwhelming or persistent, a psychologist can assist you in processing grief safely and meaningfully.
Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. Taking time to anticipate and plan for significant dates can help you navigate them with more self-compassion and support.
